She Walks in Beauty

She Walks in beauty, like the night

Of cloudless climes and starry skies

And all that's best of dark and bright

Meet in her aspect and her eyes:

Thus mellowed to that tender light

Which heaven to gaudy day denies.

One shade the more, one ray the less,

Had half impaired the nameless grace

Which waves in every raven tress,

Or softly lightens o'er her face;

Where thoughts serenely sweet express

How pure, how dear their dwelling-place.

And on that cheek, and o'er that brow,

So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,

The smiles that win, the tints that glow,

But tell of days in goodness spent,

A mind at peace with all below,

A heart whose love is innocent!

Lord Byron (1788-1824)

I've been seeking to commit scripture and poetry to memory lately. To have right on hand the beauty of words and images they evoke in my memory to carry with me always. There is great delight in the simple act of reciting a poem or scripture known by heart. Learning to fill my mind with beautiful words that my soul may feast upon.

Only For Today

Decalogue for Daily Living 1.Only for today, I will seek to live the livelong day positively without wishing to solve the problems of my life all at once. 2. Only for today, I will take the greates of care of my appearance: I will dress modestly; I will not raise my voice; I will be courteous in my behavior; I will not criticize anyone; I will not claim to imporve or to discipline anyone except myself. 3. Only for today, Iwill be happy in the certainty that I was created to be happy, not only in the other world, but also in this one. 4. Only for today, I will adapt to circumstances, without requiring all circumstances to be adapted to my own wishes. 5. Only for today, I will devote ten minutes of my time to some good reading, remembering that just as food is necessary to the life of the body, so good reading is necessary to the life of the soul. 6. Only for today, I will do one good deed and not tell anyone about it. 7. Only for today, I will do at least one thing I do not like doing; and if my feelings are hurt, I will make sure no one notices. 8. Only for today, I will make a plan for myself: I may not follow it to the letter, but I will make it. And I will be on guard against two evils: hastiness and indecision. 9. Only for today, I will firmly believe, despite appearances, that the good Providence of God cares for me as no one else who exists in this world. 10. Only for today, I will have no fears. In particular, I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful and to believe in goodness. Indeed, for twelve hours I can certainly do what might cause me consternation were I to believe I had to do it all my life. BI. Pope John XXIII

Change is in the air!

Things will be changing around here! A lot has happend in the past two months. The amazing homebirth of our second daughter and a lot of revelation in my own heart and life. The past year and a half have been incredibly difficult for me, adjusting to life in another country and trying to 'lay down my life' for my husband and children. But I am also incredibly grateful to more I begin to open my heart and life to God, the more my spiritual eyes are opened to how He has been guiding me and blessing me the past year and a bit. He is not punishing me! He is blessing me by gently making me into the women I long to be so I can live the life Ilong to live. I have so many dreams and desires, but they cannot happen until I am ready to handle them!
I liken it to a small child who wants a horse...for her very first horse you would probably buy her a pony or small gentle horse...not a fiery unbroken stallion! Though the stallion may be beautiful and thrilling to ride someday, it's certainly not appropriate for now. Someday I'll be riding that stallion of my dreams, but for now I'm on a nice safe horse as I learn and grow.
Kind of a silly analogy, but the first that came to mind. The below post is a link to Sally Clarkson's blog page and give-away. I cannot express how thankful I am to the wisdom and advice she pours out to women all around the world. I encourage any woman, mother, wife to check out her books and blog page.
More to come in the next few days!

Adversary or Advocate? Reaching the heart of your child and a giveaway!

Adversary or Advocate? Reaching the heart of your child and a giveaway!

Surfing lessons

I think our lives are meant to be an incredible adventure. I have this picture of God peering into the womb, his hands lightly on either side, his mind filled with excitement at all our potential. He has a big grin on his face because he's seen this life for us full of creativity, love, enjoyment and relationship and he's rubbing his hands together with glee because he can't wait to get started on this journey with us! But then as we grow, we doubt. We doubt ourselves, we doubt God and his intentions, we doubt His love and provision. What would this world be like if we were all living the destiny we were designed for?

Have you ever wanted something so badly? Yearned for it so much, but were too afraid to even try? Do we sit on the couch watching t.v., secretly longing for something more but not doing anything about it? Do we say to ourselves "Well, if God wanted me to do that then He would open a door for me."?

Sometimes we have a dream but we expect God to do everything for us and we haven't even prepared at all, we just expect Him to make it happen. Or if he does try to prepare us, we whine and complain and drag our feet and cry. Like in the Karate Kid when Mr Miagi made him wax cars and paint fences and all these other things that had nothing outwardly to do with karate, but were strenthening and toning and preparing the kid for the real work of training. Mr Miagi knew he wasn't ready at first and so he prepared him for what he wanted by a different means than expected.

We sit there sometimes with our desire in our heart praying and saying "God if You will." but we aren't taking a single step towards it. We want a 'sign' first. We want insurance. We want a guarantee that we will meet with success if we put forth any effort. In fact we are not going to put forth one ounce of effort towards the goal until God gives us his word that it will work out and there won't be any bumps in the road. "God you have to promise me that if I go for this then I will meet with the success I imagine, I won't lose anything I don't want to lose along the way, and it's going to be simple and straightforward so I can see a clear, straight path from beginning to end with no turns or obstacles."

Ok God, I'm ready to learn to surf, but I need your guarantee that it will be perfect. I want the water to be the perfect temperature, the weather must be just right, the waves perfect. I want to paddle out with ease and stand up and ride the first wave without a hitch. I want you to promise there won't be any sharks, or jellyfish, or riptides, undercurrents, rocks or anything else that is dangerous. Promise I won't fall and get my hair wet or get any salt water in my eyes.There won't be anyone on the beach looking at me and possibly judging me or making fun of me, except for a camera man that happens along at just the right moment to snap a picture of me at a good angle catching the perfect wave looking glamorous and skinny. So, God, until I get a 'signal' from you that everything will be exactly to my specifications then I'm not even going to go to the beach and look at the waves. I have to know that before I even try, You are going to make everything work out perfectly for me, the way I want and the way I envision.

Then I sit and wonder why my life feels so empty. Why I feel like I'm just plodding along through each day and there doesn't seem to be much meaning. I wonder why God isn't listening and He doesn't answer my prayers. I start to get angry that he gives me these desires in my heart just to taunt me. I forget that I am a co-laborer. That this life is meant to be shared and it's not just a one sided relationship. I forget God's incredible love. And my life and this world suffer because of it.

Seasons

It rained this afternoon and we went to the beach...we're getting wet anyway right? It obligingly stopped raining and we had perfect conditions for boogie boarding and body surfing. I played in the waves with Jubilee and sat with her on the beach looking over my chubby pregnant legs at my husband enjoying the surf.

I love boogie boarding and body surfing, but in this season, at 7 1/2 months pregnant, it's not something I can do. I thought about this as my daughter fell asleep on my lap, lulled by the rhythm of the waves. The sun was at my back and a dark cloud was looming over the turquoise water in front of me, a white sailboat starkly contrasting with the deep purple cloud behind it. I watched my husband and others catching waves and chose to feel blessed instead of inhibited by my 'limitations'. And then my wonderful husband stopped what he was doing to point out a beautiful, full rainbow to me on the horizon. I knew then that I am truly blessed.

I may not get to play in the water as I would ordinarily enjoy doing on such a fine day, but I get to cuddle my toddler as she falls asleep knowing that soon she will be too big to hold that way. I was able to marvel at the beauty of God's creation and sit next to my husband in the sand and give him my full attention while he told me all about his passion for golf and see his eyes light up with hope and excitement as he talked about his dreams and desires. Together we were able to see dolphins playing in the surf, something I don't think I've witnessed in nature before....something all the other body surfers missed at the beach today.

I'm realizing each season has it's blessings and limitations. That I don't get to do everything I want all the time, yet I can still choose to be content and appreciate what I do get now and look forward to what I will get later. A year from now I can go body surfing again, today I can sit on the beach and enjoy the view, encourage my husband, enjoy the wonder of Gods' creation and appreciate these 'small' moments. I can choose to see my glass half full and not worry about what it might be half empty of. I can enjoy today and look forward to tomorrow when I choose to be grateful and embrace each season as it comes.

Spiritual Breakthrough

It's amazing when you come to the other side of a particular struggle and it's as though the sun breaks through the clouds, we come out of a desert wasteland where we felt lost, uncertain and maybe even afraid, into a beautiful green meadow with flowers and fruit trees and a sparkling stream. We kick off our dusty shoes and soak our tired feet (after getting a big refreshing drink) and just sit back and go "Ahhh." And yet it takes a while to find actual rest. We are used to struggling and striving through something difficult so the abrupt change of pace from pushing forward to resting can take some adjustment. I believe God blesses both the struggle and the rest.

About three or so years ago my particular journey towards rest began. I felt like God was leading me away from church, which seems like a contradiction, but I can honestly say that since stepping away from church I've stepped a whole lot closer to God. I'm not saying church is bad, and I'm not saying for breakthrough you have to walk away from church. I'm saying that for this season in my life I felt this is what God asked me to do, and I had no desire to disobey Him. Now I'm beginning to see what He is trying to do in my life. He is giving me a new start to enable me to become the woman I truly want to become.

We've been in Australia for nearly a year now. In all honesty it's been one of the most emotionally challenging years of my life. But I can also say that as hard as it has been, it has also been an amazing year as God has faithfully stripped away the unhealthy layers that had accumulated in my life and I am able to rebuild on His solid foundation.

So after almost a full year of intense spiritual, emotional, and mental struggle I can say now that I am finally free from the bondage of Formula Christianity. And I believe it truly all started when I obeyed him and stopped going to church.

A definition of Formula Christianity could be..."If I do A and/or B then I get C" In other words if I follow a particular Formula, I will get what I want.

If I read my bible and go to church then God will reward me by giving me what I want. If I tithe my money properly and pray for friends who are sick then I can wag my tail and God will pat me on the head and give me a present (or a doggie treat). If I read this self-help book by a famous christian pastor with his face plastered on the cover and follow the step by step program then my life will finally work out the way I want it to, i.e. the way it's supposed to. If I say the Prayer of Jabez three times a day everyday for a year then....

Do you ever think that way? If...Then...

If I do this...then God will do that. If I find the right formula, the right sequence of doing things, then life will fall into place.

Are those thoughts there lingering in the back of your mind whenever you are good and 'follow the rules'?

"Wow I've been really good lately! God has got to be proud of me!" I bet I get rewarded soon! I hope it's a raise, or He motivates me to lose weight and excercise, or my knee problem goes away.

I know I was caught in the trap of subconsciously thinking that way. But it's not the way God works, He's teaching me that.

He doesn't want our obedience to a 10 step program we've devised to draw closer to Him. He wants US. He wants our love, He wants to spend time with us, He wants to share with us. If we do something for Him it shoul be because we love him, not because we love being devoted to the rules. We are not under law, but under grace. Grace means we might have to throw out the 'rulebook' and start running the race He set out for us and not worry if we fall in the mud, but just pick ourselves up again and keep running.

Have you been bound up by rules? Afraid to move forward because you might make a mistake? Are you praying for breakthrough in your life? Breakthrough will never come if you don't move forward.

Don't know what direction to go? Maybe just try moving forward in any direction, as long as you are moving.

God likens himself to a shepherd and us, his children, to sheep. When a shepherd herds his flock they normally don't all trundle along single file in a straight line directly to the intended destination. They go left, they go right, they spread out, they bunch together....but they are moving...and as long as they are moving in the general direction the shepherd wants them to go it's good enough. He will make sure the sheep don't walk off a cliff or into a bog, but the sheep need to know his voice. If the sheep refuse to move at all then there's no hope of them getting to the greener pasture. Sit too long and you'll find yourself in a desert and wonder where the grass has all gone.

So I finally got off my duff and started shuffling along. More than 3 years later I have breakthrough that I've been praying and yearning for. And I realize that I haven't come to an end, but to the beginning, and the whole world is opening up through Christ. With him there really is nothing we cannot do.

Right now I have suddenly found myself in a place of rest. A time of being still. Not laziness or complacency, but free from distractions so that I can communicate with God and know His voice. Sometimes in our busy modern world we think we have to be doing something all the time to have a fulfilling life. We have tons of activities and are constantly rushing from one thing to the next, wearing ourselves out and telling God "not now, I'm busy doing all these good things that are fulfilling."

I feel in this time God doesn't want me racing around filling my days with distractions. He wants me to be still and get to know him better. I'm truly thankful for this time I have just entered in to. In a few months we'll have a new baby, before that we will be moving to a bigger place, have company, Christmas, birthdays, and then family coming to visit after the baby, and who knows what God has in store! I'm glad to take my rest now because who knows when I will get it again!

I don't know who reads this blog, I leave that entirely up to God, but if you read it and want prayer for something similar in your life then leave me a note or contact me through email or facebook. Bless you today!