Carpe Diem

She Walks in Beauty

2011-07-15T20:35:00.000-07:00

She Walks in beauty, like the night

Of cloudless climes and starry skies

And all that's best of dark and bright

Meet in her aspect and her eyes:

Thus mellowed to that tender light

Which heaven to gaudy day denies.

One shade the more, one ray the less,

Had half impaired the nameless grace

Which waves in every raven tress,

Or softly lightens o'er her face;

Where thoughts serenely sweet express

How pure, how dear their dwelling-place.

And on that cheek, and o'er that brow,

So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,

The smiles that win, the tints that glow,

But tell of days in goodness spent,

A mind at peace with all below,

A heart whose love is innocent!

Lord Byron (1788-1824)

I've been seeking to commit scripture and poetry to memory lately. To have right on hand the beauty of words and images they evoke in my memory to carry with me always. There is great delight in the simple act of reciting a poem or scripture known by heart. Learning to fill my mind with beautiful words that my soul may feast upon.

Only For Today

2011-03-26T19:53:00.000-07:00

Decalogue for Daily Living 1.Only for today, I will seek to live the livelong day positively without wishing to solve the problems of my life all at once. 2. Only for today, I will take the greates of care of my appearance: I will dress modestly; I will not raise my voice; I will be courteous in my behavior; I will not criticize anyone; I will not claim to imporve or to discipline anyone except myself. 3. Only for today, Iwill be happy in the certainty that I was created to be happy, not only in the other world, but also in this one. 4. Only for today, I will adapt to circumstances, without requiring all circumstances to be adapted to my own wishes. 5. Only for today, I will devote ten minutes of my time to some good reading, remembering that just as food is necessary to the life of the body, so good reading is necessary to the life of the soul. 6. Only for today, I will do one good deed and not tell anyone about it. 7. Only for today, I will do at least one thing I do not like doing; and if my feelings are hurt, I will make sure no one notices. 8. Only for today, I will make a plan for myself: I may not follow it to the letter, but I will make it. And I will be on guard against two evils: hastiness and indecision. 9. Only for today, I will firmly believe, despite appearances, that the good Providence of God cares for me as no one else who exists in this world. 10. Only for today, I will have no fears. In particular, I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful and to believe in goodness. Indeed, for twelve hours I can certainly do what might cause me consternation were I to believe I had to do it all my life. BI. Pope John XXIII

Change is in the air!

2011-03-26T19:39:00.000-07:00

Things will be changing around here! A lot has happend in the past two months. The amazing homebirth of our second daughter and a lot of revelation in my own heart and life. The past year and a half have been incredibly difficult for me, adjusting to life in another country and trying to 'lay down my life' for my husband and children. But I am also incredibly grateful to more I begin to open my heart and life to God, the more my spiritual eyes are opened to how He has been guiding me and blessing me the past year and a bit. He is not punishing me! He is blessing me by gently making me into the women I long to be so I can live the life Ilong to live. I have so many dreams and desires, but they cannot happen until I am ready to handle them!
I liken it to a small child who wants a horse...for her very first horse you would probably buy her a pony or small gentle horse...not a fiery unbroken stallion! Though the stallion may be beautiful and thrilling to ride someday, it's certainly not appropriate for now. Someday I'll be riding that stallion of my dreams, but for now I'm on a nice safe horse as I learn and grow.
Kind of a silly analogy, but the first that came to mind. The below post is a link to Sally Clarkson's blog page and give-away. I cannot express how thankful I am to the wisdom and advice she pours out to women all around the world. I encourage any woman, mother, wife to check out her books and blog page.
More to come in the next few days!

Adversary or Advocate? Reaching the heart of your child and a giveaway!

2011-03-26T19:25:00.000-07:00

Adversary or Advocate? Reaching the heart of your child and a giveaway!

Surfing lessons

2011-01-19T12:06:00.001-08:00

I think our lives are meant to be an incredible adventure. I have this picture of God peering into the womb, his hands lightly on either side, his mind filled with excitement at all our potential. He has a big grin on his face because he's seen this life for us full of creativity, love, enjoyment and relationship and he's rubbing his hands together with glee because he can't wait to get started on this journey with us! But then as we grow, we doubt. We doubt ourselves, we doubt God and his intentions, we doubt His love and provision. What would this world be like if we were all living the destiny we were designed for?

Have you ever wanted something so badly? Yearned for it so much, but were too afraid to even try? Do we sit on the couch watching t.v., secretly longing for something more but not doing anything about it? Do we say to ourselves "Well, if God wanted me to do that then He would open a door for me."?

Sometimes we have a dream but we expect God to do everything for us and we haven't even prepared at all, we just expect Him to make it happen. Or if he does try to prepare us, we whine and complain and drag our feet and cry. Like in the Karate Kid when Mr Miagi made him wax cars and paint fences and all these other things that had nothing outwardly to do with karate, but were strenthening and toning and preparing the kid for the real work of training. Mr Miagi knew he wasn't ready at first and so he prepared him for what he wanted by a different means than expected.

We sit there sometimes with our desire in our heart praying and saying "God if You will." but we aren't taking a single step towards it. We want a 'sign' first. We want insurance. We want a guarantee that we will meet with success if we put forth any effort. In fact we are not going to put forth one ounce of effort towards the goal until God gives us his word that it will work out and there won't be any bumps in the road. "God you have to promise me that if I go for this then I will meet with the success I imagine, I won't lose anything I don't want to lose along the way, and it's going to be simple and straightforward so I can see a clear, straight path from beginning to end with no turns or obstacles."

Ok God, I'm ready to learn to surf, but I need your guarantee that it will be perfect. I want the water to be the perfect temperature, the weather must be just right, the waves perfect. I want to paddle out with ease and stand up and ride the first wave without a hitch. I want you to promise there won't be any sharks, or jellyfish, or riptides, undercurrents, rocks or anything else that is dangerous. Promise I won't fall and get my hair wet or get any salt water in my eyes.There won't be anyone on the beach looking at me and possibly judging me or making fun of me, except for a camera man that happens along at just the right moment to snap a picture of me at a good angle catching the perfect wave looking glamorous and skinny. So, God, until I get a 'signal' from you that everything will be exactly to my specifications then I'm not even going to go to the beach and look at the waves. I have to know that before I even try, You are going to make everything work out perfectly for me, the way I want and the way I envision.

Then I sit and wonder why my life feels so empty. Why I feel like I'm just plodding along through each day and there doesn't seem to be much meaning. I wonder why God isn't listening and He doesn't answer my prayers. I start to get angry that he gives me these desires in my heart just to taunt me. I forget that I am a co-laborer. That this life is meant to be shared and it's not just a one sided relationship. I forget God's incredible love. And my life and this world suffer because of it.

Seasons

2010-12-17T23:46:00.001-08:00

It rained this afternoon and we went to the beach...we're getting wet anyway right? It obligingly stopped raining and we had perfect conditions for boogie boarding and body surfing. I played in the waves with Jubilee and sat with her on the beach looking over my chubby pregnant legs at my husband enjoying the surf.

I love boogie boarding and body surfing, but in this season, at 7 1/2 months pregnant, it's not something I can do. I thought about this as my daughter fell asleep on my lap, lulled by the rhythm of the waves. The sun was at my back and a dark cloud was looming over the turquoise water in front of me, a white sailboat starkly contrasting with the deep purple cloud behind it. I watched my husband and others catching waves and chose to feel blessed instead of inhibited by my 'limitations'. And then my wonderful husband stopped what he was doing to point out a beautiful, full rainbow to me on the horizon. I knew then that I am truly blessed.

I may not get to play in the water as I would ordinarily enjoy doing on such a fine day, but I get to cuddle my toddler as she falls asleep knowing that soon she will be too big to hold that way. I was able to marvel at the beauty of God's creation and sit next to my husband in the sand and give him my full attention while he told me all about his passion for golf and see his eyes light up with hope and excitement as he talked about his dreams and desires. Together we were able to see dolphins playing in the surf, something I don't think I've witnessed in nature before....something all the other body surfers missed at the beach today.

I'm realizing each season has it's blessings and limitations. That I don't get to do everything I want all the time, yet I can still choose to be content and appreciate what I do get now and look forward to what I will get later. A year from now I can go body surfing again, today I can sit on the beach and enjoy the view, encourage my husband, enjoy the wonder of Gods' creation and appreciate these 'small' moments. I can choose to see my glass half full and not worry about what it might be half empty of. I can enjoy today and look forward to tomorrow when I choose to be grateful and embrace each season as it comes.

Spiritual Breakthrough

2010-11-07T18:59:00.000-08:00

It's amazing when you come to the other side of a particular struggle and it's as though the sun breaks through the clouds, we come out of a desert wasteland where we felt lost, uncertain and maybe even afraid, into a beautiful green meadow with flowers and fruit trees and a sparkling stream. We kick off our dusty shoes and soak our tired feet (after getting a big refreshing drink) and just sit back and go "Ahhh." And yet it takes a while to find actual rest. We are used to struggling and striving through something difficult so the abrupt change of pace from pushing forward to resting can take some adjustment. I believe God blesses both the struggle and the rest.

About three or so years ago my particular journey towards rest began. I felt like God was leading me away from church, which seems like a contradiction, but I can honestly say that since stepping away from church I've stepped a whole lot closer to God. I'm not saying church is bad, and I'm not saying for breakthrough you have to walk away from church. I'm saying that for this season in my life I felt this is what God asked me to do, and I had no desire to disobey Him. Now I'm beginning to see what He is trying to do in my life. He is giving me a new start to enable me to become the woman I truly want to become.

We've been in Australia for nearly a year now. In all honesty it's been one of the most emotionally challenging years of my life. But I can also say that as hard as it has been, it has also been an amazing year as God has faithfully stripped away the unhealthy layers that had accumulated in my life and I am able to rebuild on His solid foundation.

So after almost a full year of intense spiritual, emotional, and mental struggle I can say now that I am finally free from the bondage of Formula Christianity. And I believe it truly all started when I obeyed him and stopped going to church.

A definition of Formula Christianity could be..."If I do A and/or B then I get C" In other words if I follow a particular Formula, I will get what I want.

If I read my bible and go to church then God will reward me by giving me what I want. If I tithe my money properly and pray for friends who are sick then I can wag my tail and God will pat me on the head and give me a present (or a doggie treat). If I read this self-help book by a famous christian pastor with his face plastered on the cover and follow the step by step program then my life will finally work out the way I want it to, i.e. the way it's supposed to. If I say the Prayer of Jabez three times a day everyday for a year then....

Do you ever think that way? If...Then...

If I do this...then God will do that. If I find the right formula, the right sequence of doing things, then life will fall into place.

Are those thoughts there lingering in the back of your mind whenever you are good and 'follow the rules'?

"Wow I've been really good lately! God has got to be proud of me!" I bet I get rewarded soon! I hope it's a raise, or He motivates me to lose weight and excercise, or my knee problem goes away.

I know I was caught in the trap of subconsciously thinking that way. But it's not the way God works, He's teaching me that.

He doesn't want our obedience to a 10 step program we've devised to draw closer to Him. He wants US. He wants our love, He wants to spend time with us, He wants to share with us. If we do something for Him it shoul be because we love him, not because we love being devoted to the rules. We are not under law, but under grace. Grace means we might have to throw out the 'rulebook' and start running the race He set out for us and not worry if we fall in the mud, but just pick ourselves up again and keep running.

Have you been bound up by rules? Afraid to move forward because you might make a mistake? Are you praying for breakthrough in your life? Breakthrough will never come if you don't move forward.

Don't know what direction to go? Maybe just try moving forward in any direction, as long as you are moving.

God likens himself to a shepherd and us, his children, to sheep. When a shepherd herds his flock they normally don't all trundle along single file in a straight line directly to the intended destination. They go left, they go right, they spread out, they bunch together....but they are moving...and as long as they are moving in the general direction the shepherd wants them to go it's good enough. He will make sure the sheep don't walk off a cliff or into a bog, but the sheep need to know his voice. If the sheep refuse to move at all then there's no hope of them getting to the greener pasture. Sit too long and you'll find yourself in a desert and wonder where the grass has all gone.

So I finally got off my duff and started shuffling along. More than 3 years later I have breakthrough that I've been praying and yearning for. And I realize that I haven't come to an end, but to the beginning, and the whole world is opening up through Christ. With him there really is nothing we cannot do.

Right now I have suddenly found myself in a place of rest. A time of being still. Not laziness or complacency, but free from distractions so that I can communicate with God and know His voice. Sometimes in our busy modern world we think we have to be doing something all the time to have a fulfilling life. We have tons of activities and are constantly rushing from one thing to the next, wearing ourselves out and telling God "not now, I'm busy doing all these good things that are fulfilling."

I feel in this time God doesn't want me racing around filling my days with distractions. He wants me to be still and get to know him better. I'm truly thankful for this time I have just entered in to. In a few months we'll have a new baby, before that we will be moving to a bigger place, have company, Christmas, birthdays, and then family coming to visit after the baby, and who knows what God has in store! I'm glad to take my rest now because who knows when I will get it again!

I don't know who reads this blog, I leave that entirely up to God, but if you read it and want prayer for something similar in your life then leave me a note or contact me through email or facebook. Bless you today!

Sowing and Reaping

2010-10-29T16:45:00.000-07:00

Sowing and reaping has been on my heart for a while now...sort of on the top shelf or in the back of the closet. But it was brought instantly to the forefront when I listened to Kris Vallotton's podcast Famine-Breaking Generosity. It rocked me and I had to listen to it again with my husband later that night. Kris was speaking on wealth because it was an easy example, but it is true for every area of life. If we aren't sowing positively, we aren't reaping positively. Are we sowing a crop right now that we want to reap in a few months or years time?

The main thing impressed on my heart was giving in times of lack, when our natural tendecy is to hoard. I admit to being a hoarder. And I also stand right now today and say that I choose with God's strength to break that curse over my life and my family in this moment. I don't recieve it any longer as a generational curse and it will not be passed down to the generations that come after me.

A scriptural reference Kris gave in his sermon for sowing in times of lack was Genesis 26:1a&12-13

"Now there was a famine in the land...And Isaac sowed into that land and reaped in that same year a hundredfold. The Lord blessed him, and the man became rich, and gained more and more until he became very wealthy."

It doesn't make sense to sow into the ground that is dry from famine. And yet in faith Isaac did it and reaped a hundredfold in the first year! Amazing! God has been showing me that I have been unwilling to sow into other's lives in times of personal famine and thus am reaping more famine in my life. Like a desert that slowly eats away little by little at the healthy ground.

The past couple weeks with the Christmas season approaching, God has been impressing upon me to give of myself to others for Christmas. It means more than spending lots of money (which we don't have) on Christmas presents that are nice in the moment, but soon collect dust on a shelf or get re-gifted. I have been frustrated with Christmas for a long time now. I hate Christmas shopping and the gift giving process seems mostly meaningless to me. I'd rather give something that costs more than money.

Today's society seems to think that throwing money at something is an answer. A solution. I prefer to throw some time and love even though it takes more from me and in a sense costs more. So the past few weeks God has been placing a few people on my heart to make handmade Christmas gifts for. Nothing spectacular, in fact they are costing me moneywise next to nothing. But making them takes time, energy and careful planning. As I work on them I think and pray for the person the gift is intended for. The gift in itself is very simple, but the heart behind it is well-meaning. God is teaching me the true spirit of giving in this coming season which is His season, Christ the Ultimate Giver.

"The kingdom of heaven is like a grain of mustard seed that a man took and sowed in his field. It is the smallest of all seeds, but when it has grown it is larger than all the garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds of the air come and make nests in its branches." Matthew 13:31&32

Something small can grow into something big that blesses a lot of people. Nurturing such a tiny seed may seem pointless in todays society where 'bigger is better.' But God is not ashamed for us to start out small. Perhaps tending that small seed is all we can handle at the moment. He knows that a tiny seed planted in faith, watered and lovingly tended will grow into a great tree that blesses many for generations. I'm learning not to let pride keep me from doing the 'small' things God has asked me to do instead of waiting to do the 'big' things in his kingdom. From little things, big things grow.

What If?

2010-10-21T20:58:00.000-07:00

You ever notice that when you consider doing something there's always a million 'what if's'?

You ever notice that the 'what if's' are almost always negative?

What if life doesn't have to be like that?

What if we threw out the 5 and 10 year job-oriented, 'security'-oriented goals and made life goals instead?

what if we looked forward to the uncertainty of the future with joy and anticipation for what God is going to do?

What if we lived outside the box?

What if we live out the desires of our hearts as God intended?

What if we trust Him with the outcome?

What if we seek God and not just his blessings?

What if we live with so much joy and confidence that we are thankful when things don't go our way because we can trust that God has an even bigger and better plan?

What if our lives were the stuff of dreams?

What if we delighted in training and discipling our children?

What if we modeled obedience and trust in God first before desiring it of our children?

What if we trusted in the Lord with all our hearts?

What if we truly love as God has commanded us to love?

What if your dreams really did come true by simply making your 'what if's' positive and trusting God with the outcome?

I'm starting today and it's a journey of a lifetime!

Want to come?

God's Feminine Beauty

2010-10-15T23:18:00.000-07:00

After I wrote the last blog God has impressed something on my heart. At the conclusion I gave the example of Eowyn who stabbed the enemy in the heart of battle. She was dressed in men's clothes in a 'man's war', though it was she who felled the enemy. I do think that is a very powerful statement...that we as women are able to slip in unawares. God's cautioning was not to give the impression that to fight, we must dress and fight as the men do. Men and women fight differently. Both are equally important, both are unique. Men fight in ways that we cannot and vise versa. We are both created in God's image but we show different facets of His personality. God gave us our feminine spirit. One of nurturing, patience, love, gentleness...the list goes on and on. He gave us tools to use in life as well as in battle. They are not the same as those given to men, but no less powerful.

As I was pondering this God brought to mind the story of David and Abigail. I love what Abigail did in her feminine wisdom! When Abigail heard that her foolish husband Nabal had insulted David after all he and his men had done protecting the flocks, she 'made haste' and gathered up some tasty food (a man's usually in a bad mood when he's hungry!) and some wine (something good to wash the fine food down never hurts!) and she set off to intercept David without telling her husband who was partying at the time (and probably wouldn't have listened and forbade her to go.)

David by now was on the rampage. He was furious and intended to wipe out Nabal's household. He was muttering to himself the whole way which only fueled his anger saying "I guarded all that this fellow has in the wilderness, so that nothing was missed of all that belonged to him, and he has returned me evil for good."

So when Abigail met David on the road he was probably not in a talking mood. I doubt he was actually reasonable at the time. He was on the war path! But, being married, Abigail had a fair idea of men and their wounded pride I'm sure. It says she 'hurried and got down from the donkey and fell before David on her face and bowed to the ground." She pleaded with David, telling him her husband was a fool and gave a pretty good speech there in the dust at his feet. It also says earlier in the chapter that Abigail was "discerning and beautiful", which didn't hurt anything either. David's heart was softened and his wrath was abated by this wise and beautiful woman who had literally thrown herself at his feet and begged for mercy, apologizing for her jerk of a husband. David raised her up and praised her for her discretion and also for keeping him from doing a rash thing and 'avenging himself by his own hand.' In the end God himself struck Nabal down and David made Abigail his wife.

My point being that Abigail used her feminine wisdom and her beauty to save a lot of people an also keep David from doing a foolish thing that he would most likely have regretted once his temper cooled off. She stopped the war from even starting! She stopped it with choice words and choice food. She fought with what she had, not a sword and a shield, but with beauty, grace, wisdom, and feminine appeal...she used the tools available to her. She used these gifts for something good, not against a man as Jezebel did. As women we have something precious to God. A unique and more 'passive' way of fighting. And the enemy does not like it! He tries to halt us at every turn, tries to undermine us, make us insecure about our looks or gifts, or talents, our dreams and callings. Or even by making us believe that we need to be more like men to be successful and 'hide' our femininity." We were born with all the gifts and talent we need to follow the dreams God has placed in our heart. He placed those yearnings within us and wants to take us on the journey towards those desires. He wants us to delight in the trip with Him. Sometimes we may need to encourage and build up our talents and gifts, but they are there. We can fight many battles, and perhaps stop them before they even start by nurturing our heart and soul in Christ so that we are 'pleasing' on the inside, not just the outside. It wasn't just a pretty face that stopped David, it was a discerning and wise woman. The whole package was pleasing.

For me personally the battle has been on the home front. The enemy doesn't want us to have happy, healthy marriages or wholehearted families. He doesn't want us to bring up strong children in relationship with Christ. The enemy doesn't want us to have a spirit that is restful and nurturing to those around us.

Sometimes the fight is just my attitude. Refusing to have a pity party when I feel unappreciated and instead choosing to seek joy in my life and making the space around me, both spiritually, emotionally and physically, beautiful, comfortable and relaxing. Choosing to fight with my feminine wisdom and beauty that God has blessed me with, and remembering that I am precious and a part of His story where we get to create together, love and care for those around us, and bring His kingdom and His beauty here now to earth.

Princess Fairy Tale

2010-09-30T13:56:00.000-07:00

I was lying in bed early this morning after seeing my husband off to work and trying to get another hour or so of sleep before the little one woke up, but as usual my thoughts were wandering, clanking against each other, sometimes bouncing off, sometimes making a connection. I was half awake, half asleep, half praying, half pondering, when this thought came to me. And I think it's for all of us women.

WE are the Princess in the Fairy Tale.

Ok so some of us probably feel like Cinderella before the whole Prince thing right now...our life is cleaning, cooking, etc. Somedays feel like we are only a good maid or housekeeper. Then again, perhaps that's what I'm talking about.

State of mind.

What was it about Cinderella? She didn't have any reason to be sweet, gracious, hardworking and caring. She might have daydreamed about one day meeting the prince or even living in the palace, but she wouldn't have been working towards that reality. And yet she was still loving, serving and kind despite the abuse and despite having no real hope for a better change in her circumstances. Yet she must have had some sort of hope to keep going in sweetness day after day.

In all the little things she was sweet and kind. She brought the beauty of a princess into her lowly surroundings. Her stepsisters tried to keep her down. Dressing her in rags, abusing her with words and actions, ignoring and dismissing her. They tried to draw attention to themselves with fine clothes and airs and distract any attention from Cinderella. It didn't work.

So here's my point. Sort of. We as women of God are meant to be his Princesses. There are tons of stories that tell of this yearning in our hearts. Kris Vallotton said that if you put a pauper in the palace it becomes a dungeon, but if you put the Prince in a dungeon he makes it a palace. In other words, no matter where he is, a prince brings up the circumstances around him (like Joseph). It makes sense. As God's Princesses we are called to bring our fairy tale kingdom, God's kingdom, into this world. In every place we go. Heidi Baker asked her husband if they could live in the worst possible areas they could find. Areas you and I would never want to go, let alone live. She was bringing her fairy tale kingdom into the deepest darkness she could find.

We shouldn't sit waiting and pining for our Prince to come rescue us, instead we need to be working with Him; towards Him. Cinderella was captivating because she lived as though she already belonged in the palace.

And to be Princesses, we not only have to have grace, beauty and all of that, but we also have to be able to fight. Like Eowyn in The Lord of the Rings who disguised herself so she could join the battle. While the men were all fighting around the outside of the problem and basically getting nowhere, she stabbed the enemy in the heart (figuratively I don't recall exactly where she stabbed him). She destroyed the root of the evil. So it's not just about flowers and sunshine and singing to little birdies and mice, its about being Warrior Princesses too. Sometimes advancing our beautiful kingdome means we have to get in a fight. But ladies, we don't necessarily fight like the men. We have to fight with the gifts we have of Princesses of the Most High.

And when we fight, we need to fight strong!

More and more I'm convinced that it starts at home. Bring God's kingdom into your home first and it will spread out from there. Bring God's kingdom into the lives and hearts of your children and they will join you as Princesses and Prince's in the fight. Bring God's kingdom when you wash the dishes, vacuum, go grocery shopping. Fight for the purity of our sons and daughters because the enemy wants to kill and destroy their innocence. Teach them that being God's Princesses and Prince's doesn't always mean beauty and fun and parties...but it will someday. This life may be a Cinderella life sometimes, but we will get happily ever after.

Grace

2010-09-16T13:36:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel like I'm never good enough. I want so many things to be perfect and when they are not I feel like a failure. I want to accomplish so many things but in my day to day life it seems like I'm getting nowhere, just spinning my wheels. On the one hand it's good for me to have goals and ideals to work towards. On the other hand how do I find the balance? As I do one thing I wonder if I should be doing another. I'm constantly wondering "Is this the best use of my time in this moment?"

The answer I seek is Grace.

I try to have grace for others. And yet I don't always remember to have grace for myself. I don't remember to recieve God's Grace. I can be the cruelest taskmaster to myself. And yet God knows my strenghts and weaknesses. He knows when and where I will stumble and fall. He's never disappointed in me. He's there extending his hand of grace but I don't always reach up an take it. Instead I berate and beat myself up for making mistakes, wasting time, pursuing the wrong things or not being a better...well...everything...Mother, Wife, Daughter, Sister...you name it.

God is not berating or beating me up. He is encouraging me to keep going. He is proud of me! Like we are proud of our kids when they accomplish any new thing, no matter how small. He is proud of me for simply finishing something I started. He's proud when I don't allow frustration to cause me to yell at my toddler. He's proud when I keep the house clean, or do someone a small kindness. He's proud of the so-called 'little' things. The world would make us dissatisfied because we are not doing something 'big'. But God's 'Big' and the world's 'big' are two different things. I should not call bad what He has called good. I should not call little what He has called Big. And so in the little things of this world I try my best to do big things in Christ and am learning to have Grace for myself when I fall.

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness.'"

2 Corinthians 12:9a

I asked...

2010-09-01T14:05:00.000-07:00

None shall sleep
But when he does, it is to a silent prayer:

I asked for strength,
And God gave me difficulties to make me strong.
I prayed for wisdom,
And God gave me problems to solve.
I asked for prosperity,
And God gave me brains and strength to work.
I prayed for courage,
And God gave me dangers to overcome.
I asked for love,
And God gave me opportunities.
I asked for humility,
And God gave me experiences not to be proud of.
I asked God to grant me patience,
And God said, "No."
He said patience is a product of tribulation.
It is not granted. It is earned.
I asked God to spare me pain,
And God said, "No."
He said, "Suffering draws you apart from wordly cares
And brings you closer to me."
I received nothing I wanted.
I received everything I needed.
My prayer has been answered.

~Gary Player

Meditations of the Heart

2010-08-13T17:42:00.000-07:00

I've been reading Psalm 19 almost daily and have been focusing on the final verse "Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight O Lord, my rock and my redeemer."

I have been trying to pay closer attention to my thought life lately and am realizing how much time I spend on fruitless and wasteful ramblings in my head. For example I found myself the other morning making up arguments with another person in my head over a trivial matter that had occured a few days before. Instead of sleeping I was fretting and creating an inner storm that quite simply didn't need or belong there in my mind. I repented later that the meditation of my heart that morning had not been pleasing to God. I had not focused on what was good and lovely, but instead had indulged in my sinful fantasy where I said what I felt, didn't back down, and thoroughly berated this other person with my words because I was right and they were wrong! Never mind that it was stupid, all made up in my head and counted for exactly nothing.

I'm beginning to become aware of how much I don't actually pay attention to my thoughts. I can wander along and mull something over for a long time before I even realize what I've been doing. And of course the thoughts are usually negative and draw me down into a depressed state. How often are we the makers of our own disaster!

Another chapter I've been studying is Isaiah 55. In verses 6-9 it says "Seek the Lord while he may be found; call upon him while he is near; let the wicked forsake his wy, and the unrighteous man his thoughts; let him return to the Lord, that he may have compassion on him, and to our God for he will abundantly pardon. For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are my ways your ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."

I have realized that I sometimes tend to study the Bible in an attitude of "them" and "I". For example when it speaks of the wicked or unrighteous, that would be "them" (and therefore not pertaining to me) and when it speaks of the righteous, that would be for me. But I had to look at this verse again and again to realize that my thoughts are unrighteous which makes me the unrighteous person who needs to forsake her houghts.

In addition or along with all this I have also been earnestly seeking God's wisdom. I want his higher ways and higher thoughts. I am learning through very tough situations that leaning on my own ways and wisdom doesn't work, even when it seems perfectly logical and it ought to work, it doesn't. Yet I still try to keep using it, hoping that someday it will work. And I think my toddler is stubborn.

So once I came to the conclusion that I needed God's wisdom above my own I thought that if I prayed hard enough and asked (begged and whined) long enough I would suddenly get this abundant rush of wisdom and be able to make wise and godly decisions in everything I do from then on. But God is gently and patiently showing me that such is not the case and wasn't it just such thoughts that brought our downfall in the garden? Instead God gives me small wisdom in small things, each and every day. When I am seeking, listening and open to him, he is able to lead and guide me through many small pitfalls which individually may seem insignificant but when combined lead to greater consequences.

For example, just this morning I again was not having thoughts that were not pleasing to God. The meditations of my heart were decidedly "unrighteous." I was grumpy and tired after a poor night's sleep. Jubilee was up at her usual time of 6am (sometimes 5:30) and raring to go. I was feeling resentful of my husband who was sleeping in on his day off.

"I don't get a day off!" I fumed inwardly. "I don't get to sleep in." And I could have gone along this vein for a long time, spiralling rapidly downhill from there. But God in his grace and wisdom allowed me to check myself and my wayward thoughts. And thankfully I listened to Him.

So instead of fuming and and attacking my husband when he did wake up, I decided (only through God's strength and wisdom) to brew a nice pot of coffee for him and make him a delicious hot breakfast. He entered the kitchen only moments after I had made this decision and I turned to him with a smile instead of a frown. He couldn't hide his surprise. The coffee was already going, and I asked if he would like to sit down and watch the PGA live on the internet while I made him breakfast.

He perked straight up and sat down eagerly to watch the game while I handed him a steaming cup of coffee. As I made breakfast I could see him out of the corner of my eye stealing small glances at me over the laptop to see if the "other wife" whom he'd met on similar mornings was going to emerge at any moment.

I'm pleased to say she didn't, and we had a very nice breakfast together as a family and a good start to the day. I know none of this would have been possible without God. And I'm so thankful we had a pleasant morning together instead of an argument and lingering resentment.

The verses that immediately precede the above verse in Psalm 19 say "Who can discern his errors? Declare me innocent from hidden fault. Keep back your servant also from presumptuous sins; let them not have dominion over me! Then I shall be blameless, and innocent of great transgression."

God kept me from presumptuous sins this morning and kept me innocent of what could have been a great transgression with long lasting effects. I'm beginning to see it's the small steps each and every day that make up the whole life and I want my life to be one of love and wisdom and grace, full of the fruits of the spirit and abundant in pleasant memories.

Exercising Spiritual Warfare

2010-07-30T18:25:00.000-07:00

Recently God has been showing me the importance of spiritual warfare on many different levels. I guess I used to just think that warfare was mostly praying, sometimes in a dramatic or commanding voice. But God is showing me that actions are just as important as spoken words. Anything we do to thwart the enemy and further God's kingdom is warfare. Sometimes it could be as simple as encouraging a friend, or sacrificing some time to help a person truly in need. I've learned lately that excercise, strenuous excercise even, is a powerful tool in spiritual warfare.

The enemy wants us unfit, tired and depressed, laying on our couches watching tv. He does not want us out and active and ready to fight! Walking, running, jogging, sports whatever...whenever I get off my lazy butt and do it, I'm fighting the enemy. He's still trying to get me to stop, whispering "you're tired, you should rest. You might hurt yourself, take it easy and work into it slowly. Have some chocolate, you've earned it."

Also, I believe, doing the thing that you yearn to do but scares the heck out of you is also HUGE spiritual warfare. God has created us all with unique abilities and destinies. The enemy does not want us to reach our potential. "You don't want to sing in public. What if you mess up and make a fool of yourself?" "Of course you've always wanted to run a marathon, but that's for really dedicated, exceptional people who can aquire a level of fitness you simply can't" "It's good to have a heart for the people of Mozambique, but just send some money. That will help a child, don't go there yourself and endanger your life, leave it to someone who is truly called to do it."

Lies lies lies! Don't listen to them! If there is something that has been at the back of your head and on your heart for a long time (and is keeping in line with the character of Christ) but there has always been an excuse or reason not too do it, I encourage you to push through those deceptions and move forward in warfare! Don your armor, raise your sword and leap forward with a battle cry!

These are a few of my Frivolous Things

2010-07-13T21:43:00.000-07:00

"You set your heart too much on frivolous things Anne, only to go crashing into despair when you don't get them." ~Marilla Anne of Avonlea

How I am like Anne in this respect! I want certain things to go my way. I want my dreams to work out the way I envisioned them and I definitley don't like setbacks.

However, I am not like Anne in many other ways. I would have given up and gone home at the first hint of adversity with Kingsport Ladies College. I probably would have been too intimidated to reach out to old Mrs. Harris. And I would have been hard pressed to keep a cheerful attitude when attacked by a whole town full of rich, influential Pringles.

And yet it was through this adversity that she got her heart's desire, to be a writer and publish a book, and also through these trying experiences that she realized the true feelings of her heart regarding Gilbert and her home.

God has been showing me lately that he loves me too much to give me things I want the way I want them sometimes. He cares enough to not give me the things I want at all sometimes. Because of his sovereignty and his eternal wisdom, he loves me enough to tell me "no" or "not now."

It can be difficult as a parent to say "no" to our children and yet we want what's best for them, we want to build their character. If I constantly gave my daughter everything she wanted and sought to please her with materialistic things, she may be happy for a moment, but I would be doing her a huge disfavor.

I'm so thankful that God loves me enough to disappoint me in my frivolous things, to continue to build my character to be like that of Christ. He knows my future and loves me enough to tell me "no" or "not now" and help change my heart for eternity.

crutches

2010-07-02T19:20:00.000-07:00

I didn't realize how many crutches I used to 'support' me until they were all knocked out from beneath me and I was laying in a helpless puddle on the ground completely bewildered. "How did I get here?" "What do I do now?" I guess now I learn to walk properly without hinderances that I actually thought were 'helping' me. It might take some intensive rehab but I know I'll be running free again someday.

Fear and Anxiety

2010-06-04T13:05:00.000-07:00

Dear Fear and Anxiety,

You are no longer 'Dear' to me anymore. It's time for you to get out. I cannot be in a relationship with you anymore. I don't like the way you make me feel and hog up my mental and emotional life leaving me nearly useless for anything else. I won't be robbed of my life and hope any longer. I've fed, watered, and allowed you to flourish for too long in the garden of my life. It ends today. Fear, I'm digging up every root of you and in the gaping hole I'm planting Perfect Love. Anxiety, you're being burned out and I'm growing Grace and Peace in your place. No but's, I don't want to hear excuses. I'm done. You're gone. Goodbye.

Marci

Magic Eraser

2010-05-28T19:34:00.000-07:00

It rained all morning. I think this was God's plan to have me trapped inside with no excuse not to deep clean the house. I started by organizing Jubilee's toybox and toys that were scattered all over the house. I sorted everything into a keep pile and a throw away pile. As I was sorting I found a cheap, green, rubber eraser. The kind that probably wouldn't erase anything off the page or if it did would leave a green smudge. I dithered about tossing it out. Jubilee didn't play with it or have any need of it right now, should I save it until she's old enough for pencils? In the end it was tossed back into the toy box and forgotten.

After doing dishes, sweeping, mopping, vacuuming, dusting and putting away laundry, Jubilee finally fell asleep. I hung out a freshly laundered batch of clothes to dry and looked around to see what else needed to be done while my helper was out cold. I noticed some stray crayon marks on the table, the refrigerator, and some on the wall by the front door. Lately in her exuberance to learn her letters she draws a "W" on everything. She yells "DOUBLE U!" at the top of her lungs and makes a big swishy squiggle on whatever is closest to her chubby, crayon holding hand. We've had several deep discussions about not coloring on furniture or walls or anything that is not our color book or chalk board. It's slowly sinking in. Mommy is only 32 after all, and a slow learner.

I got out my sponge and used the rough side to scrub the table and the fridge, but the big looping circles on the wall refused to budge. I sprayed cleaner on it and scrubbed harder but it was clear that she hadn't used the washable crayon this time. Finally when nothing worked I prayed.

"God, You know we rent this place and can't have crayon on the walls. I can't seem to get this off and I know you have a solution for me. Would you please show me?"

I looked through my cupboards hoping inspiration would strike. Vinegar? Salt? Nothing came to me so I went back to my futile scrubbing until suddenly a thought of the eraser popped into my mind. Could it possibly work? Nothing else was so I decided to give it a try. I dug through the newly organized toy box until I found it and then started erasing. Surprise, surprise. It worked! Plus I got an arm workout following all those circles around. Now the crayon's off the wall, Jubilee's still dreaming, and the eraser is back in the toy box where it belongs. Now it's time to tackle the chalk hieroglyphics I just spotted on the tiles!

Heart's Desires

2010-05-22T18:03:00.000-07:00

"May he grant you your heart's desire and fulfill all your plans!" Psalm 20:4

Bill Johnson at Bethel Church spoke on Psalm 20 last week. (I download the sermons off the internet and listen on my computer) This one has lingered with me because I'm beginning to see (slowly, infintesimally) how He has to remove the things from my life; like a careful, gentle surgeon, that are hindering me from my heart's true desires. Problem is I sometimes want to stay safe and comfortable yet still somehow have these desires met. But when I'm lounging in my easy chair of life that is molded to my body because I've been there so long, there's really not much God can do with me or for me.

I'm not saying I think comfortable is wrong, but there is a difference between comfort and complacent. Fact of the matter is, I was completely lost. I didn't know what I truly wanted, or where I wanted to go. I just knew I wasn't where I was supposed to be because my life was stagnant and unproductive. A place I never wanted to be. (reminds me of the doldrums in the Phantom Tollbooth). So God gave me one of my heart's desires, and I thought "Whoa God this is intense!" It was something I wanted but hadn't been preparing for. I had been desiring it, but not working towards it.

I guess I think of it like wanting to be a gymnast at the Olympics, (go ahead and fill in the sport of your choice, you know you have one!) but never training for it. Just sitting around reading books about gymnastics, watching past Olympics and gymnastic tournaments, hanging posters on the wall, imagining it and yearning for it, but not actually doing the work and training it would take to become an Olympic athlete. Then one day getting a call and hearing someone say "Congratulations! You are competeing in gymnastics at the Olympics! You leave next week!"
"What?!? Oh no! I'm not ready! I can't do this! Everyone else competeing is prepared and I'm not! I'll make a total fool of myself! God what were you thinking? What are you doing? It's not supposed to be like this! Ack! Am I going to have to wear a leotard?!?!"

And God is saying "I gave you the desire. What did you do about it?"

"Ummmm You see God...I put it in a box full of trinkets and pictures and ideals and imaginings about it and buried it to keep it safe 'cause I didnt' want to risk it or lose it." (I'm loosely thinking of the parable of the talents her, bear with me)

God replies "Uh Huh. I see. But didn't you want it to happen? Didn't you want it to be part of your future, a reality of your life? Or were you merely just in love with the idea?"

"Ummmm, Well...imagining it sorta felt real in my head, and it's easier than actually doing it since I could just think about the good stuff and skip all the bad or hard stuff I would have to do if I was really doing it...Ok, so I guess I didn't really think it would ever be a reality! I guess I truly didn't trust you to give me a desire in my heart and then bring it into existence!"

Silence

Ouch

I had to be honest with myself and God and acknowledge that in some cases, I truly didn't trust Him with the desires of my heart. It was/is a horrible place of realization. He's been gently, kindly putting tools in my hands and cracking open the door to give me a peek inside so that I can see the future I can have, if I am willing to move towards it, through the good stuff and the bad stuff, into an actual reality and not a fantasy.

I'll take Ideality over Reality any day!

2010-05-08T04:36:00.000-07:00

My new word is Ideality. My "Ideal Reality." I think many times we feel the need to wait for things in life to 'line up' properly, or for certain things to happen, before we think we can really start living. My Ideality isn't an escape from reality, it's simply a new mindset. I can imagine the things in life I desire, but in a positive way, as something to look forward to, but not sit around and wait until it happens before I do anything. Kind of like a "happy place" I guess.

I watched the movie PS I Love You the other night, and the first scene, where the husband and wife are fighting really got me thinking. Don't we so often bicker and fight when things don't go the way we thought they would? The wife was telling her husband that they needed a plan because life was not the way she wanted it to be. She felt they weren't ready for a baby because life wasn't 'perfect' yet and they didn't have the right apartment. The husband was saing "hey, this is our life right now, we just have to live it." She was uptight, wanting to make a plan and he was carefree wanting to enjoy life and go for it. Which one are you?

I'm the uptight one. I'm standing on the shore of the river of life with my waterwings, flippers, goggles, snorkel, safety-line, life raft, innertube, whistle, life jacket, earplugs, noseplugs, sunscreen and westuit, still afraid to dip a toe in all the while envying the carefree people who just step right in and don't seem to worry about the swiftness of the river, the raging rapids below, or the rocks or the fact they don't have a raft, a life jacket or even a rope. I think I should yell at them and point out the dangers and make sure they stand safely on the shore with me so I can feel better about myself instead of just throwing off all the crap and jumping in too.

I've been given things I've wanted, desires of my heart, they just haven't always looked the way I imagined they would. It doesn't mean that I should just sit and wait for the next thing to happen, or wait for certain things to happen before I can move forward with life. It doesn't mean I need to wish for an alternate reality. It just means that God is far wiser than I am, and his ways are better than mine. And if there are things I would like to change, I focus on my ideality and work towards it and it starts to look possible. I jump in and try instead of standing on the shore worrying about all the what if's. And even if things don't look exactly like what I want, I'm sure God always gives me exactly what I need.

Dear Depression,

2010-04-17T20:49:00.000-07:00

I am not sorry to say this: our relationship is over. I'm calling it quits. I've had enough. It's not me, it's you. You are not good for me. You want to keep me from my friends and those who love me most. You discourage me from doing what I love and enjoy. You want me to stay cooped up inside with the curtains drawn as if everyday is a gloomy, rainy day. I can't do it anymore. I have a life that needs to be lived. Your influence is unhealthy for me. You never remind me to eat my veggies, but encourage me to try the chocolate mud cake instead. Then you tell me I'm a fat slob and a loser for eating it. I refuse to take your negativity and abuse any longer. Depression, I'm happy to say that we're through! Yes, you heard me right. I'm breaking up with you.

Clenched Fist

2010-04-09T16:41:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure exactly when I let the possibilities of the future frighten me into a frozen world. When you're young, endless possibilities are exciting, but as you grow older, decision after decision effect your life and when you see those effects compounded sometimes its difficult not to freeze. You can begin to let worry and anxiety take over, agonizing over where each and every decision will lead. Will it be good? Will it be bad? Will I regret it forever?

We no longer live in the moment, but in a far off forecasted future of unnamed and usually negative outcomes that slowly, slowly begins to shut down our life and it's limitless posibilities. Instead of floating freely, we begin to grab ahold of things around us for percieved safety and security. The job, the house, the car, the prestige, the reputation...we cling tighter and tighter to these stagnant objects, locking down our present and closing down our future until it's nothing but a dark, narrow tunnel.

Then we begin to wonder (when we have time for it that is) why we aren't happier, more satisfied with life, with ourselves. Why that exotic, expensive vacation, or that new cell phone we just bought doesn't fulfill us in the way we thought it would. We don't realize how shriveled our souls have become, how numb we have made ourselves. Things that were once important or awe inspiring or interesting fail to capture our attention anymore. Gorgeous sunsets go unnoticed, the sound of the waves or a crystal clear stream fail to soothe and restore us. Artificial begins to replace the natural and we can't understand the growing numbness inside.

Slowly I'm realizing and recognizing these things. Slowly I'm learning. I'm stopping. I'm listening. I'm looking around. I'm beginning to let go one by one of the thins I held onto that I thought would keep me safe, and secure my happiness. As I gradually begin to unclench my fist and release these things from my tight hold, I notice that my world is also beginning to open up. I can truly start to breathe again, live again, and move forward confidently in the knowledge that it's not important for everything to turn out to be comfortable and perfect. What's important is to take each moment and live it, to keep and attitude of awe and anticipation, to loosen our grasp on the ropes that keep us tethered so that we can be free to soar.

A Gift for God

2010-04-03T20:14:00.000-07:00

I had a picture in my mind the other day that I gave God a gift. I was excited to give it to him but once I placed it in his hands I realized it wasn't really a good gift, it looked torn, dirty, and dingy. It was something like fear or anxiety or depression. And I was amazed as I watched Him cradle my gift so lovingly in his hands, looking at it as though it were so precious. Like a small child I felt the need to point out my revelation that it wasn't really a good gift. But He looked at me and said "Anything you have carried so close to you all these years, that was so difficult for you to surrender to me is a very precious gift. To me it is priceless." I was shocked by that, and I realized that when I first gave it to him it seemed really, really big, I could barely lift it, but as I gazed at it there in his hands it was really, really tiny. Makes me want to give Him more gifts!

Taking a Walk

2010-03-27T02:51:00.000-07:00

Have you ever tried to take a toddler for a walk? It's no wonder strollers were invented. In our modern day society, our aim is to get from point A to Point B with as little hassle and detour as necessary. This will not happen if you allow your toddler to walk. There's no point in having an agenda or time frame for your outing, you get there when you get there.

Everything is new and interesting to your bright little walking partner. The sidewalk is boring. There are much more interesting things to be seen once you step off of it. Bushes and hedges to try and crawl into, mysterious pathways and stepping stones that lead into new and interesting yards, steps leading up and down, trees, fire hydrants, cars, rocks, sticks, flowers, grass, you name it, your toddler wants to explore it and you the parent must continually be watchful of danger, steer them from unsavory areas, and repeatedly and hopefully patiently, bring them back to the path that leads to your intended destination. In the end sometimes, we end up just carrying the child even though our backs and arms get tired, because it keeps them out of trouble and danger and makes the journey a little bit quicker.

It occurred to me as Jubilee and I walked to and from the library today that walking with an almost 2 year old could be sort of an allegory for how God views our walk with him. He has a path for us that is full of his light and goodness with an exciting destination at the end, but we are constantly wandering away from it, distracted by so many different things, that to us seem important or fascinating. God always kindly and patiently leads us back again and again. Sometimes we take only two steps on God's sidewalk before veering off again! But God doesn't yell at us, grab our arm and drag us back tripping and stumbling to go sprawling on the walkway again. He doesn't scold us or berate us. He kindly watches and waits for us, keeps an eye out for danger, lets us get into trouble sometimes and reveals his beauty and sovereignty by gently leading us back again and again and again.

Though it took quite a while to get to the library today, I learned a lot. I learned that my daughter needs freedom to explore and discover, that even tromping through the bushes can flush out a beautiful butterfly or lead to the discovery of flowers or an interesting trail of ants. There are many things I would have missed this morning if we had rushed through the walk. Things of beauty and simplicity, examples of God's nature and artistry, and for myself the learning of patience and appreciation for taking things slow and looking around. And the realization that God loves and cares for us enough to patiently guide us, show us beauty, and lead us toward the life he has for us, even though we may balk or wander off, he never stops watching, guiding, leading and sometimes carrying us.

Celandine

2010-03-23T00:46:00.000-07:00

"Celandine sat on her bed, and held the pecking bag in her lap. She didn't want to see it, and she certainly didn't want to look inside it. But it had been a day for seeing those things that she didn't want to see, a day for looking inside those places where she did not want to look, and she would face whatever she needed to face." Celandine By Steve Augarde

Journey to Joy

2010-03-22T20:23:00.001-07:00

I woke up one day and realized that although I had all the things I thought I wanted or needed in order to feel happy, the house,the husband, the child, the car...it still wasn't enough to fulfill me. I wasn't happy. In fact I was depressed. "Why?" I wondered. "What's wrong with me God?" I lamented. "Haven't you blessed me with these things? Shouldn't I be happy?" It seemed my requests for understanding were met with only silence and perhaps something else...disapproval? Was God unhappy with me?
So from there I began my quest. To reclaim the life that I am meant to live, longing to live. The life I cannot now live without. To reclaim relationship with God and recapture Joy in my life. So far it's begun with a book, and the realization that the way I want things...though they may seem logical, are not the way God may want things and are therefore ungodly, sinful even. Do you struggle with this too?
Here's an exerpt for you
"God intended that we become witnesses of his beauty, design, color and pleasure so that we could gain a more intimate, real, and personal knowledge of him. God does not want to be just a thought to know, but a personally engaging friend and Father whose relationship with us is filled with memory, delight, and moments to be experienced and enjoyed." Dancing With My Father
Sally Clarkson

Turn Opposition to Opportunity

2010-03-05T20:31:00.000-08:00

It seems that life is stacked up against me. Once I cross one thing off my list, 3 more are added. At least it seems that way. But what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Right now even if I feel like giving up, I know I can't, that there's no other option because there's no one else to do it but me. I put so much pressure on myself to do things perfectly, and yet it doesn't have to be. It's learning to relax, trust God, take a deep breath and tackle the next thing on the list.

Leap of Faith

2010-02-26T18:36:00.001-08:00

I decided today it was time to take a leap of faith and to reach out towards the dreams I have and the life I want to live. No longer do I want to be a bystander in my own life, wishing for things, longing for change, and yet too afraid to go for it! So today I submitted a short picture book idea to a literary agency. Something I've wanted to do for a long time, but have always talked myself out of. I would rather start small and work my way up than aim so high I get too discouraged to even try. And the point isn't whether or not they accept my submission, though of course I hope they do, the point is that I did it and am not letting fear keep me from doing the things I want to do.

I want adventure in the great wide somewhere

2010-02-24T11:56:00.000-08:00

Be careful what you wish for! I recently watched the movie Up, while on my own adventure. I was travelling with our 21 month old daughter from Australia to the States by myself. A nearly 30 hour trip.

The movie was part of the inflight entertainment. I enjoyed the movie not only for it's humor, but also for the message.

We can't have adventure without sacrificing comfort and security. But also, we need to choose how we view our lives, and see that just the act of living can be an adventure in itself. I think so often we try to buy our adventure, getting the latest greatest thing that's supposed to make us feel like we are alive, instead of actually getting out there on a real bona-fide adventure of our own.

To quote JRR Tolkien "It's a dangerous business going out your front door."

Adventure can be as scary and daunting as it can be exciting and thrilling. I think in all things in life, it is our attitude that determines whether we will embrace the changes and new experiences that adventure can bring about, or we can balk and fight against it and get stuck in our little security blanket, wishing for more, yet too afraid to risk it.

Seasons

2008-04-18T09:11:00.000-07:00

I think that each season is my favorite in it's turn. I love sprintime, the colors, the smells, the soft warm air, the rain, the frogs and birds chirping. Everything coming alive. But I love Summer, the warm nights, sunsets, going to the river, the beach, hiking in the forest, and balmy Summer evenings. (minus misquitos). But then I look forward to Fall, with the cooler air, the warm Fall colors, misty air, sweaters and hot chocolate. And Winter with it's beautiful snow, crisp fresh air, it's slumber. The dark days make me look forward to Spring again. Yes, I love the cycle. Each in it's turn. New Beginnings where we can start fresh each spring and make the most of each new year, each new season and each new experience.

what's with today, today?

2008-04-11T14:07:00.000-07:00

I didn't really have anything profound to say...I just haven't written in while. Sometimes it's hard not to let life get in the way of...life. Not to let everything build up so that you lose sight of your goals, dreams, purpose and just muddle through each day. With all the big changes going on it's hard sometimes to know what to focus on. This is a big year for a lot of people. A year of change and new things. It's exciting....but can be overwhelming too. But I look forward to each new day and what it may bring.

Motivation

2008-03-13T08:39:00.000-07:00

Thursday, March 13, 2008

A WAY FORWARD

"Whatever happens, there is a way forward. Remember that as you welcome each moment and each new development.
Out of any circumstance, you can find a positive pathway. In any situation, there is the opportunity to create success and to experience fulfillment.
Be unconditionally thankful for the moment you're in. Because the moment you're in is filled with real possibilities.
Your gratitude will enable you to see the best of those possibilities. Your expectation of finding the best way forward will enable you to begin moving solidly forward.
There is much to be gained by planning and preparing, by anticipating what is most likely to happen and being ready for it. Yet there is no reason to be paralyzed by worry or fear, because you have what it takes to handle even the most unexpected setbacks.
Know that always, whatever may come, there is a realistic way forward. Have the confidence to find that way, and take yourself to magnificent new heights."
~ Ralph Marston

Akiane

2008-03-04T13:34:00.000-08:00

I was intrigued by Akiane's book "Akiane: Her Life, Her Art, Her Poetry." She began drawing and painting at a very young age and though her parents were athiests, Akiane had a deep relationship with God that they couldn't explain. She would paint things that God showed her and would explain them, and write poetry as well. I found the book very inspiring and aparently there is another book called "My Dream is bigger than I". Check out her paintings

http://www.artakiane.com/akiane_art.htm

Balancing Act

2008-02-27T16:08:00.000-08:00

I was noticing the other day how much of my time is taken up with two things. Work and Food. This thought depressed me, so I thought about it some more.
Work takes up 9 hours of my day, 8 hours of actual work, and an hour for lunch. But then I realized it takes up much more. I have to get up and get ready in the morning (1hr) commute to and from work every day (1hr) which is actually 11 hours of my day that’s work related.
And then there’s food. I have to eat breakfast, bring snacks, of course have lunch at work, then go home and make and dinner (1-1 ½ hours), clean up after dinner (15 min -1/2 hour) and make lunches for the next day (15 minutes-1/2 hour). So between work and food that takes up around 131/2 hours of my day. Not to mention grocery shopping once a week (If I’m lucky) which takes about 2 hours.
So where is the balance in our lives? As Americans we rush from one thing to the next, always on a schedule, never stopping just pushing forward, onward, to…..to what? What am I doing with my life? Is this really all that I’m good for? Is this really all that I was created for? I have to believe I’m meant for more than this. I have to believe my family deserves better than this. I mean really! Is this really all we’re good for?
And I started thinking about balance in life. In all areas of life. Not just work.
I think in order to be a healthy, happy, well-rounded individual we need to have balance in a lot of areas Mental, Physical, Spiritual, Work, Home, Play, Friends, Family, and Self.
How much time are we spending playing? In Spiritual/Godly pursuits, in mentally challenging or gratifying areas?
How do we balance all these things each and every day?
I started thinking about just one of these areas. Physical. In my opinion, one of the best things you can do for yourself and your future is take care of your health. I know that I have pretty high standards of what I consider to be healthy living.
I don’t follow all those standards because…why?
Because I don’t have the time.
If I wanted to live the healthy lifestyle I’ve only dreamed of, I could probably spend the 8 hours a day that I spend working on being healty. By exercising, growing/preparing/and eating organic foods, etc etc. It would take a lot of time for me to live this way. So then where would be the balance with all the other areas? I would just be exchanging one thing for another. Or would I? Would I be able to cross over these areas. Could focusing on exercising and eating healthy over lap into mental and spiritual? What about family and friends…we could exercise together. It’s all about balance.
I remember a quote from College “Everything in Moderation, nothing in excess.”
Is spending this much time at work an ‘excess’? It’s definitely out of balance with the other areas of my life.
Obviously I haven’t got it figured out, but I know what I want. And each day instead of sinking into a mindless routine, I can try to change the things I don’t like bit by bit, and find ways to work on all the areas, throughout each day. Even at work or school or wherever I might be.

Leap of Faith

2008-02-05T15:50:00.000-08:00

There comes a point where you've spent enough time wishing and hoping and planning and praying...and you finally have to make the decision to go for it. Close your eyes and Leap!

God's Blessings

2008-01-31T12:15:00.001-08:00

Sometimes we’re so busy chasing after life, we can only see what we don’t have, not what we do have. Sometimes God gives us exactly what we need. Not too much, not too little. Just right. I want to be open to receive His blessings. They may not always look the way I imagined, but they are always exactly perfect.

My Dream

2008-01-18T16:15:00.001-08:00

Someday I will have a Beautiful Friesian gelding with long flowing black hair.

That is my dream

Live, Laugh, Learn

2008-01-16T15:29:00.001-08:00

Appreciate each moment we have. Tomorrow is not promised to us. How you spend your days is how you spend your life. Is your life well spent?

Find humor in your day. Learn to laugh at things that might normally get to you. Learn to laugh at yourself. A day without laughter is a day wasted.

Start each day by looking forward. Try to learn something new everyday. Challenge your mind, it is a precious commodity.

What Price?

2008-01-09T11:59:00.000-08:00

Nothing comes without a price. What price are you willing to pay?

I asked myself this question about a week ago. Then forgot I had written it down. This morning I found it and it struck me anew. What sacrifices am I willing to make for what I want? Or will I let go of the bigger picture for the less important things I may want in the moment?

I made my husband a promise last night, and part of it meant letting go for now of something I think I need, and trusting God with it for the future. I believe if the goal is one given us by God, it is always something bigger than ourselves, it is always worthwhile, and it always comes with a price.

I’m reminded of a story about a little girl who has a fake pearl necklace. She loves her necklace and wears it all the time. She feels like a beautiful princess. One night at bedtime her Daddy asks her if she will trust him and give him her precious necklace. But she can’t give it to him, it is her favorite possession. Again the next night and the next her Daddy asks her to give him the necklace and she cries and says she can’t. Finally one night she decides that she loves her Daddy more than the necklace and decides to give it to him. When she does, he pulls out a necklace of real pearls to replace the fake ones because his princess deserves the real thing. He’s been waiting all this time to give them to her.

How many times do I turn from the real pearls God is offering me, because I can’t trust him to give up my fake ones? If we aren’t willing to pay the price, we’ll never be able to reap the rewards.

Miracles

2008-01-08T16:04:00.000-08:00

Psalm 139

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

The Road Less Traveled

2008-01-03T13:40:00.000-08:00

Robert Frost (1874–1963). Mountain Interval. 1920.

1. The Road Not Taken

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;
5

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,
10

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.
15

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.
20

Happy New Year

2008-01-02T14:35:00.000-08:00

I didn’t spend any time making resolutions or even pondering the fact that a new year is upon us, besides thinking ‘Wow that was fast!’ and remembering to write ’08 on my checks. I was dreading going back to work today but I actually have had good news! Not once, but three times! Not a bad way to start the New Year I think. Financial blessings, Old Friends coming home, and an ongoing irritation being (somewhat) removed.

This year will definitely bring big changes when we welcome the newest member of our family this spring. But change is good. Yes, 2008 will be a time for new things…new seasons. I’m looking forward to it.

Writers Prayer

2007-12-19T13:56:00.000-08:00

Open my mind, Lord. Grant me the talent to write with clarity and style, so my words go down rich and smooth, like fine wine, and leave my reader thirsty for more.

Open my heart, Lord. Grant me the sensitivity to understand my characters--their hopes, their wants, their dreams--and help me to confer that empathy to my reader.

Open my soul, Lord, so I may be a channel to wisdom and creativity from beyond my Self. Stoke my imagination with vivid imagery and vibrant perception.

But most of all, Lord, help me to know the Truth, so my fiction is more honest than actuality and reaches the depths of my reader's soul.

Wrap these gifts with opportunity, perseverance, and the strength to resist those who insist it can't be done.
Amen.
-- Sandy Tritt

I Dream of Maui

2007-12-19T13:39:00.000-08:00

I Daydream about where I am and where I would like to be. Hawaii has always been a place I would like to go. As Winter sets in, though I love each season in their turn, I still look forward to spring and summer and think of tropical beaches and breathtaking sunsets. Today I dream of Maui.

Winter Solstice

2007-12-18T13:05:00.000-08:00

Wintermoon is the time for old troubles to die and new hopes to rise. It is a time when the whole world sleeps under a still, white patina of frost till it wakes to the fresh dawn of spring. Wintermoon is the time to take stock, look forward, make plans, shrug off the past. It is my very favorite time of year.

The Truth-Teller’s Tale
By Sharon Shinn

My Dream

2007-12-13T15:56:00.000-08:00

My dream is to live in a quaint country cottage with roses and a flower garden, with winding paths with moss covered stepping stones, a pond with lily pads, and a gazeabo where I can sip tea and write books.

Once upon a time

2007-12-13T09:28:00.000-08:00

I recently had a chat with a childhood friend. We’ve actually been friends since we were 10 years old, or for nearly 20 years!

In our conversation we were discussing things we would have done differently or changed in our teens and early 20’s, and how a large part of that time was just spent trying to figure out who we really were as individuals.

She expressed some regrets about high school and mentioned how she had admired how I had always pursued things I wanted to do and how supportive my parents were. I smiled and told her the real story. I fought hard against my parents for every ‘major’ thing I did growing up. Every single instance that I can think of where I did something memorable, I had to fight my parents first.

I remember how I was at that time. Once I got an idea in my head I would hold onto it tenaciously with single-minded purposefulness. Doubt was never allowed to enter my head. The more my parents would oppose me, the more determined I would be. In trying to protect me, they were unwittingly holding me back.

I explained to my friend that it was only after I got my way and did that school play, or pageant or mission trip that they would support me. After I had proven myself, then they would ‘over do’ the support and practically smother me. I realized as I talked to her that I hadn’t been doing it for them, or for their approval, I was doing it for me, because for some reason it captured me and I couldn’t not try it. And it occurred to me, would it have meant so much to me if I hadn’t had to fight so hard for it? Somehow I doubt it.

Sometimes I miss that girl. The one who held a goal in her head and wouldn’t take no for an answer. I haven’t had a clear cut goal, a specific dream like that for a while. That consumes me, that gives me focus, purpose or determination. Maybe because now no one’s trying to stop me anymore from doing those things. Maybe the only one stopping me is myself.

Biggest Loser

2007-12-12T15:44:00.000-08:00

“What have you done today to make you feel proud?” Biggest Loser Theme Song

I can’t seem to get the theme song out of my head. I’ve been watching this season of Biggest Loser off and on, and tuned in last night for the final weigh in before the finale next week. On the show they compared the contestants now with how they looked at the beginning of the series 3 months ago. It wasn’t really the weight loss itself (though losing 143 lbs in 3 months is pretty impressive) but the mental and emotional struggle of the contestants that stayed with me today.

In the end it wasn’t really a battle against fat. That was the physical battle yes, but the true effort was in the emotional dysfunction and thought processes of the competitors. To me, their inner transformation revealed the biggest change. They went from believing they were invaluable, unlovable, failures; worthless…you name it, to taking control of their lives and thoughts and believing that they are worthwhile, loveable individuals who deserve to live fulfilling lives. They lost their burden of weight and in so doing found faith and respect in themselves.

It makes me wonder what things are weighing me down. Negative thoughts, giving into depression, thinking things are too hard. This has all added up to layers of complacent, fearful FAT in my subconscious.

What would this world be like, what would I be like, if we threw off all our extra ‘weight’ and took up Christ’s light burden all the time. Those obstacles in our path that once seemed insurmountable would suddenly seem much smaller and easier to handle. Those mountains may still be challenging, but not impossible without all that extra weight that was once holding us down.

The Lady of Shalott

2007-12-11T11:12:00.000-08:00

On either side the river lie
Long fields of barley and of rye,
That clothe the wold and meet the sky;
And through the field the road run by
To many-tower'd Camelot;

And up and down the people go,
Gazing where the lilies blow
Round an island there below,
The island of Shalott.

Willows whiten, aspens quiver,
Little breezes dusk and shiver
Through the wave that runs for ever
By the island in the river
Flowing down to Camelot.

Four grey walls, and four grey towers,
Overlook a space of flowers,
And the silent isle imbowers
The Lady of Shalott.

By the margin, willow veil'd,
Slide the heavy barges trail'd
By slow horses; and unhail'd
The shallop flitteth silken-sail'd
Skimming down to Camelot:

But who hath seen her wave her hand?
Or at the casement seen her stand?
Or is she known in all the land,
The Lady of Shalott?

Only reapers, reaping early,
In among the bearded barley
Hear a song that echoes cheerly
From the river winding clearly;
Down to tower'd Camelot;

And by the moon the reaper weary,
Piling sheaves in uplands airy,
Listening, whispers, "
'Tis the fairy The Lady of Shalott."

There she weaves by night and day
A magic web with colours gay.
She has heard a whisper say,
A curse is on her if she stay
To look down to Camelot.

She knows not what the curse may be,
And so she weaveth steadily,
And little other care hath she,
The Lady of Shalott.

Outside the Box

2007-12-04T16:26:00.000-08:00

Outside this box of mine
I sometimes wonder what I might find
Adventure? Excitement?
Or more of the same?
Fears and troubles of lifes little game
If I look outside my box and see
What whole new worlds may open to me?

Take Care of Each Moment

2007-11-20T13:38:00.000-08:00

"He treats me like I'm five years old again! It's so annoying!" I complained to my friend yesterday. I was talking about my own Father. Who is a wonderful man, hardworking, caring and generous. I really can't complain, and yet I found myself annoyed with him and venting about it to a confidant. Little did I know.

A few hours later I recieved a call from my Mother saying that Dad had fallen off a roof and shattered his ankle. He'll be laid up for weeks, if not months, and have to go through several painful surguries to put the pieces of his shattered ankle and leg back together. And I thought to myself, "What if he had fallen and broken his neck? What if he had died?" My last words about him while he was alive would have been petty, stupid complaints. After all he's done for me and is still doing for me to this day, I had to gripe about something so trivial instead of being thankful that my earthly father is so kind and generous and caring and would do anything for me.

Remember to treasure your family and friends because we never know how long they will be with us. I'm lucky I can still tell my Dad I love him and I'm sorry. Focus on the positive and let go of the negative. It's not worth it to dwell on such things.

Just say no to crap!

2007-11-15T16:23:00.000-08:00

Recently

we moved and our motto was "just say no to crap!" We dumped a lot of stuff that was old, had been given to us, held bad memories, or we just never used or even remembered we had. And as we tossed, our 'burdens' grew lighter and lighter. Maybe someone may look critically at us and say "they don't have anything!" But I think we have what is most important of all, Freedom! We are free to go where we want, do what we please and not be burdened down by a bunch of earthly junk that we don't need. Maybe I don't have anything...but I feel immensly lighter. And that means more to me than a bunch of old junk!

Brick Walls, Fences, Razor Wire Oh My!

2007-11-07T15:28:00.000-08:00

I was thinking the other day about personal boundaries, which I never realized existed until my early 20's. It had just quite simply never occured to me until that time. But now I see how natural and necessary it is for humans to put up fences, walls or 'stop' or 'do not enter' signs in our personal lives. It is part of our subconcious keeping the good things in and the bad/hurtful/sad/unhealthy things out.

There are always people in life, many of whom we care about, that we still must make boundaries for. I've realized that by recognizing who I am as a person, I am able to set out fences and signs and walls for certain people in my life. Not to hurt them but simply because I have to keep myself safe and not allow others to walk all over me or tresspass where they don't belong. And I think this is a healthy thing.

But I'm not saying all boundaries are always good or healthy. But even if we disagree with someone elses 'brick wall' we still have to respect that it is there.

I came to realize the whole concept of walls and boundaries because
I was repeatedly running into a certain person's 'brick wall' that they had put up in defense against me. I didn't think the wall should be there and not only was I hurting myself by running into it, I was blaming them for hurting me. That was, until, someone very gently pointed out to me that there was a boundary I wasn't respecting and I was hurting myself. It was a big eye opener for me.

God has brought me a long way since then and worked through a lot of things in my life. I've been on both sides of the brick wall, and honestly both sides can be painful if the personal boundaries aren't respected.

I had the experience of someone who was very controlling and had no respect for others boundaries whatsoever which is difficult to hold up against. Ironically though, its usually the people that don't take responsibility over their own lives that are the most controlling of others. And it was a struggle to stay strong against that, and keep building the brick wall bigger and thicker. But in that case, necessary in order to not be run over.

I don't believe however that walls keep you from having a relationship. I think it only defines the relationship more clearly. And some people will have more freedom in your life than others. But I definitly think it's important to protect God's investment in you in a healthy way.

Books

2007-10-19T14:26:00.000-07:00

I love books! I love to read, to immerse myself in the story. Get taken on an adventure or swept away by romance. I love relating to the characters, laughing, crying, getting angry, or reading something that provokes new thoughts. I love being transported to another time and place.

I love words! I love the look of them, the shape of them, the power of them. How you can choose between several for the exact meaning you're trying to get across.

I love sharing books with friends who enjoy what I enjoy and discussing what we liked about them.

I love looking at the books lining my bookshelf and roaming the bookstores for new additions to the collection.

Books are my joy.

To Take Offense

2007-09-28T14:48:00.000-07:00

I was thinking lately about how sometimes we can take offense too easily at something someone says or does. When we say or do something with innocent intentions, we want others to give us grace and not to take offense when we didn't intend it. Yet we don't always extend that same grace to others. Instead we may choose to be offended by their words or deeds.

I found these definitions in Websters dicitionary and thought they were interesting.

To take offense:

1.) A cause or occasion of stumbling or sin
2.) To feel, or assume to be, injured or affronted; to become angry or hostile.

I know that for me, if I allow past offenses, or percieved offenses eat away at me and build up into bitterness, then I am very likely to have no grace whatsoever for that person. And I am probably likely to share those offenses with other people so they can see how wronged I was and how awful the other person was. Then, I will continually take offense at whatever that person says or does. Yet I feel wronged and, yes, offended, when they do the same to me! What a horrible, vicious cycle!

Proverbs 18:17,18-20

The first to present his case seems right,
till another comes forward and questions him.

An Offended brother is more unyeilding than a fortified city,
and disputes are like the barred gates of a citadel.

From the fruit of his mouth a man's stomach is filled;
with the harvest from his lips he is satisifed.

The tongue has the power of life and death,
and those who love it will eat its fruit.

Neither side feels that they are in the wrong. They defend their case and build themselves up in their own minds. But we do not know the motivations or intentions of their heart. Only God can know that. So then, how can we judge? In this, I ask for grace, for once started down this path, I have a hard time turning aside. It is a very difficult cycle to break!

The Bigger Picture

2007-09-24T15:56:00.000-07:00

As a child I remember thinking my parents were mean if I didn't get my way or I didn't get what I wanted. I would say to myself 'When I have kids I will let them do this or have that.' My world view then was so narrow, my life experience so short, that I couldn't understand why my parents wouldn't let me have my way. They could see a broader spectrum for me and that the things I wanted weren't necessarily healthy for me. By being 'mean' they were being merciful. They were protecting me from my selfishness and raising me to be a well balanced individual.

As God's Children we are the same way. Our world view is broader than that of a 7 year old, but we are still narrow minded. We get upset if things don't seem to be going the way we think they should, but God is gently guiding us towards what is healthy. He is always working with us to make us more like Him, which sometimes means not getting our way and hard lessons learned.
God sees the biggest picture of all, it entwines all of our lives. Sometimes it doesn't make sense, but that is part of trusting that He always has our best in mind.

Surprises

2007-09-13T12:54:00.000-07:00

Life is full of surprises. Wouldn't it be boring if it wasn't? Even when you half expect something, it can still take you by surprise. And it's funny how one thing can be a pleasant surprise to one person and an unhappy surprise for the next. I suppose it all depends on your mindset. I like to be surprised.

A beautiful sunset is always a nice surprise, or a rainbow when you're driving down the freeway on a drizzly day. Maybe an unexpected raise or promotion at work or suddenly finding something you thought you'd lost.

Surprises can be small, simple, sweet or suddenly send your life in a new direction. But what would life be without surprises? I'm sure I don't want to find out!

Grace for today

2007-09-10T13:24:00.000-07:00

I've been pondering Grace today.

Sometimes it's really difficult to give people grace, and have grace for them. I think I struggle with feeling like if I give someone grace again and again, then I am saying I'm ok with what they are doing...even if it hurts me.

How do you forgive, yet not be a doormat for people to continuously take advantage of you or purposely hurt you again and again?

And yet we are called to grace, that we may be a witness to others, so that they can see that we are different in Christ. I know God grants us grace for each day, if we only ask for it. But somedays I don't even know how to pray for grace for certain people. I may have compassion, I may have good intentions, but then they do or say something that hurts, angers or frustrates me again...I go into this tailspin.

How did Jesus continuoulsy forgive and have grace for the foolish, the lame, the liars and cheaters, those who hurt him the most who should have believed in him but didn't? He was not weak, he was not a sissy. He was the strongest man to ever walk this earth...yet he is portrayed as this wimp who went around saying profound things, with no strength.

I think it shows the greatest strength of character to look past the evil and sin in people (let's face it we all have it) and love the person God created because He loves them. Even when there doesn't seem to be anything lovable about them. We want the same grace extended to us.

Thus far I think this is the hardest lesson for me to learn, and I fall again and again. I pull myself back up, arm myself with good intentions, pray...and fall flat on my face again...but at least by falling I've moved that much forward!

I'm reminded of Paul's struggles.

"Three times I pleaded witht the lord to take it (the thorn in his flesh) away from me. But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me."
2 Corinthians 12:8-9

Each day let us remember God's Grace.

'American Dream?'

2007-08-29T15:44:00.001-07:00

I heard once that the things you love and the things you hate are the things you will do and change.

I love a lot of things, not all could I make a living at, but some could possibly eventuate. But does it really matter? Should we concern ourselves with what society calls the “American Dream”? Or should we seek out that which we love and causes our spirit to soar within us? Jesus followed God completely and trusted His Father for every meal and a place to rest each night. Can we trust God enough to provide our every need?

What do you love? Are you finding it, doing it, experiencing it where you are at?

Now let me tell you what I hate. I hate fear. Too many times we allow fear to hold us back from all aspects of life, especially God’s plans for us. Why? Because the enemy does not want us to reach our full potential in Christ and follow our destiny.

What he does want is for us to be tired, afraid, depressed and complacent. He wants us at some ‘good’ or ‘ok’ job that is not so horrible that we quit, but is not stimulating or part of our passion and destiny in life. So we become robots on automatic pilot, doing “ok” and never truly living the life God intended…so complacent that God can’t use us effectively.

That’s why in Ephesians 6:12 it says “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against…the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”

I’m mostly asking myself these questions because I’m sick and tired of a life of complacency and no fruit. I want to live the life I was destined to live. And whether or not it looks like the ‘American Dream’, if I’m fulfilling my destiny and am willing and able to be useful for Christ…perhaps that’s the only dream worth having.

Eternity

2007-08-27T13:14:00.000-07:00

It didn't matter what people did to Jesus, or how they treated Him. What mattered to Him was His response to them. He was concerned for their souls. That was more important than his own dignity or pride. After all, what is pride compared to eternity?

Am I able to love unconditionally? Even when I am wronged, mistreated, falsely accused, slandered or beaten? Am I still able to love, and be focused on eternity and Christ-likeness?

As a child I remember screaming "That's not fair!" when I thought my brother got more of something than I did. The calm reply from my mother was always "Life isn't fair".

Even if my life does not turn out as I might have wished or imagined, am I able to be thankful, grateful, and focused on eternity?

Path of Life

2007-08-24T14:48:00.000-07:00

I've spent a lot of time these past few months looking down. I had been trudging in a straight line, eyes on my feet, bemoaning my fate. But the minute I got my eyes off my self, I suddenly realized there's a whole new world of options and opportunities all around me. When I finally looked up, I could see that the path I'm on actually branches off in all sorts of directions. Some are easier...some harder, some are a very steep climb, but with a rewarding view from the top.

Suddenly all my options seemed overwhelming! How would I know which one was the right path to take? Then I realized...all the paths branched off from the one I was on...God was giving me all the options, and all I needed to do was choose one and trust Him. It was my attitude and willingness to trust and follow God was what really mattered.

So when the sunny tree lined, flower strewn path full of butterflies and chirping birds suddenly rounds a bend and turns desolate and full of rocks and brambles...it's the attitude toward Christ that is the key. If I stop and start complaining that this isn't what I thought it would be...the difficult part of the path just takes that much longer. But if I keep my eyes on him and follow joyfully wherever the path leads...who knows, it may loop around into another path that takes me in a whole new direction I never could have dreamed possible! And I'll get there a lot sooner with my eyes on Him.

No Lid

2007-08-23T16:17:00.001-07:00

I heard once that fishermen don't put lids on their baskets of crabs. The reason being that if one crab tries to climb out of the basket, all the other crabs reach up and pull it back in.
I've mulled that one over for a long time. And as I observe my life and those around me...I see a lot of crabs. And sadly, I've probably been one myself to other people.

The problem is, the crabs usually have your best interest at heart. They don't want you to be hurt or disappointed or experience hardship or failure. But if you stay in the basket, though you may feel "safe" you are facing death...maybe not a physical death like the crabs...but a death of the spirit, and of the dreams God has placed in you. If you stay it will keep you from what could be new joys, amazing experiences, and most importantly, your destiny.

I'm currently on my way out of a particular basket of fear. And there's a big exciting world out there as I peek over the rim, shaking off the reaching claws of the other crabs at the bottom. Whatever your particular basket may be...lies, deception, mediocracy, fear of success or failure, depression, laziness,...whatever that stronghold is...try hard to recognize it and get out of it and see the amazing things God has for you!

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Adventure

2007-08-22T13:38:00.000-07:00

I am a girl who longs for adventure. But as I grow older, I realize that I have allowed fears and trepidation to creep in. That my vision grew narrow and shortsighted. That I was unhappy and afraid. God has a whole world of adventure and excitement out there waiting for me, but I was not taking hold of it. I was locked up in my cave worrying about inconsequential details. He is beginning to open my eyes again. Help me Breathe again. Give me hope, joy and peace again. And my sense of adventure is being rekindled.

Of course there is always risk. Nothing worth doing is without it's risk. But I would rather LIVE my life...then hide from it afraid of what might happen. Might happen. I can no longer live my life worrying about ' what if's '. That's the whole point! To live! Not to merely exist, and waste the precious gift given to us. I was in tied up in chains, locked in the dungeon of my own fear and insecurity, standing on my tiptoes and barely sticking my nose out the tiny barred window of the cell smelling the air and thinking to myself "I'm free!"

Life is for the living! Don't be afraid of your Dreams and Passions

"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. Security does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than exposure." Helen Keller